Well I'm off. I'm heading out to England in a few days, and I am really excited. And scared. And nervous. In fact, I'm so nervous, that I wake up every morning feeling like I'm going to puke. And then I get crazy heartburn. And then I get so amped up that I have a hard time sleeping at night. But this is all normal right? I mean, I'm about to make the biggest move I've ever made. Take the biggest leap of faith I've ever had to take. If I weren't nervous I'd think something was really wrong with me. At least that's what I keep telling myself.I don't doubt that God wants me at the Oakes. I don't doubt that He'll take care of me. I don't doubt Him at all.
I doubt me.
I don't want to chicken out. I don't want to have that awful anxiety attack I had in Belize. I don't want to come home before September 3rd. But I just might. Relying on His strength is easier said than done. It's something that as a believer I should be able to do without much effort. Unfortunately, I'm human. And I like to be in control. I like to make my own decisions. So if I decide that I don't really like it over there, regardless of the fact that God has CLEARLY called me there, I may choose to come home. And the thought that I would make such a defiant move against Him scares me.
So my prayer is this. That in those moments of anxiety, fear, and even anger at times, that instead of looking for a way out, I'll look up. Straight up. To the One who has brought me through so much. To the Lord, the one I've committed my life to. The one I pledged my alleigiance and service to.
And that's what I ask of you, my friends, my family.Pray for me. Pray for strength. Courage. Flexibility. Openness. And trust. Trust that He would never lead me astray. That He's got me where He wants me.
I love you all.
