that word has come out of my mouth more times than i can count over the last few weeks. His unbelievable, undeniable, undeserved provision. He's taken care of me, in so many ways it would take so much time to write out. but i thought that maybe i would share a few instances in which i have seen God's provision in my life lately.
the first is where i'm living/working. i'm staying with my parents for a little while (yeah, i'm that cool) but it's been such a blessing because it's given me the chance i needed to slow down a little and relax. and my mom works for a physical therapist here, and they needed an extra set of hands so guess who slipped right in? it's been a blast being able to work at something i genuinely enjoy, go home at the end of the day and relax. i've got my mom keeping me accountable to my daily Bible time, and we pray together every morning. provision.
the first week i was here in town i was nervous that i was going to get bored, and that i would be driven crazy by my parents and have no where to go and no one to turn to. and then God re-introduced me to some old friends from high school who were also up here for a little while. both girls are head over heels in love with the Lord and have been such an encouragement to me. we have been able to chat, and pray, and eat together and it's been so wonderful to have them here. provision.
and last but certainly not least, God has really protected my heart from this fear i had of people prodding me about why i came home early. i thought for sure i would be trying to explain it to person after person, which is not an easy task since it's not really an easy situation. but so far, anyone who's asked has been satisfied with my response of "it just wasn't where God wanted me to be." i've had a few go a little deeper, but everyone has been amazingly kind and gracious through this whole process. i've received so much love and support from the people who mean the most to me, and i am so unbelievably blessed. provision.
God is good. there's no denying that. and although i still have my bad days, i see a change in my heart, a growth that will continue to push me closer to Him and allow me to live my life the way He's intended all along. with Him. in love with Him. giving Him glory.
Praise Him. Forever.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
My Last England Update.
Hey Everyone!!
Wow. I apologize for taking so long to get this out! It's been a pretty crazy few weeks here. As most of you know, I came home at the end of April, cutting my time in England short. There are so many reasons why I made that decision, but the one that is the most important is because God never gave me a peace about being there. There was always something that didn't sit right, didn't feel right. I know that things aren't always good, and wonderful, especially when walking with the Lord (Satan tends to attack the hardest when we're close to the Lord) but there was something that just didn't fit. So I took the months of February and March and prayed. I asked you to pray. I spent time in His Word, searching for an answer. I cried, and I begged Him to make it clear. And He did. He made it abundantly clear to me that I needed to come home. It would take pages upon pages to fill in all the details, so I'll just leave it at this. God showed me more about who I am in Him while I was there, than I've ever experience before. And that lead me to the conclusion that I was not where He wanted me to be.
So I'm home. And there really is no place like home.
The month of April was trying, and intense. I felt every emotion under the sun in those 30 days. Sadness, glee, excitement, worry. We had two Easter camps right in the middle of the month, and I have to say, those were the most physically exhausting 2 weeks of my life! The kids were on break from school and ready to have fun! The weather cooperated and we were able to spend a majority of the 4 days they were with us outside. We re-introduced the Raft Building activity, where kids worked together to build a raft that they would then float around the pond on. The kids really enjoyed themselves as they paddled around gathering random sports equipment and trying not to fall into the stinky pond water. We were able to have picnics outside, play water games and even pull out the water slide a couple of times. April was a month where we saw a lot of progress around the Oakes, as we were able to start moving ground on the bottom lot they had recently purchased and were going to transform into a football field.
Easter Sunday I was blessed with the opportunity to spend the day with Becky, Jonny and Evan out at Chatsworth, an amazingly beautiful old manor house that has been turned into a museum. The day was perfect, and we enjoyed ourselves laying by the river and dwelling on the gift of victory over death. Those three became three very good friends, and I am so blessed by their presence in my life. I miss them terribly.
I would like to end this update by thanking you all for your support of me through this time. I realize that some of you may not have made the same choice I made, and that you won't agree with me coming home. But I appreciate the support and love you have shown regardless. Your patience, encouragement and grace has spoken volumes to my heart, and I am truly thankful to know you. It was not an easy decision to make, but I trust that God spoke into my heart, and I responded in the way He desired of me. I hope that you can trust Him as well, and know that He's working in amazing ways through you all in my life. Thank you again, and may He continue to bless you always!
In His love,
Kelly
Wow. I apologize for taking so long to get this out! It's been a pretty crazy few weeks here. As most of you know, I came home at the end of April, cutting my time in England short. There are so many reasons why I made that decision, but the one that is the most important is because God never gave me a peace about being there. There was always something that didn't sit right, didn't feel right. I know that things aren't always good, and wonderful, especially when walking with the Lord (Satan tends to attack the hardest when we're close to the Lord) but there was something that just didn't fit. So I took the months of February and March and prayed. I asked you to pray. I spent time in His Word, searching for an answer. I cried, and I begged Him to make it clear. And He did. He made it abundantly clear to me that I needed to come home. It would take pages upon pages to fill in all the details, so I'll just leave it at this. God showed me more about who I am in Him while I was there, than I've ever experience before. And that lead me to the conclusion that I was not where He wanted me to be.
So I'm home. And there really is no place like home.
The month of April was trying, and intense. I felt every emotion under the sun in those 30 days. Sadness, glee, excitement, worry. We had two Easter camps right in the middle of the month, and I have to say, those were the most physically exhausting 2 weeks of my life! The kids were on break from school and ready to have fun! The weather cooperated and we were able to spend a majority of the 4 days they were with us outside. We re-introduced the Raft Building activity, where kids worked together to build a raft that they would then float around the pond on. The kids really enjoyed themselves as they paddled around gathering random sports equipment and trying not to fall into the stinky pond water. We were able to have picnics outside, play water games and even pull out the water slide a couple of times. April was a month where we saw a lot of progress around the Oakes, as we were able to start moving ground on the bottom lot they had recently purchased and were going to transform into a football field.
Easter Sunday I was blessed with the opportunity to spend the day with Becky, Jonny and Evan out at Chatsworth, an amazingly beautiful old manor house that has been turned into a museum. The day was perfect, and we enjoyed ourselves laying by the river and dwelling on the gift of victory over death. Those three became three very good friends, and I am so blessed by their presence in my life. I miss them terribly.
I would like to end this update by thanking you all for your support of me through this time. I realize that some of you may not have made the same choice I made, and that you won't agree with me coming home. But I appreciate the support and love you have shown regardless. Your patience, encouragement and grace has spoken volumes to my heart, and I am truly thankful to know you. It was not an easy decision to make, but I trust that God spoke into my heart, and I responded in the way He desired of me. I hope that you can trust Him as well, and know that He's working in amazing ways through you all in my life. Thank you again, and may He continue to bless you always!
In His love,
Kelly
Monday, April 30, 2007
American soil...
is quite possibly the best soil on earth.
there really is no place like home. and i'm thrilled to be back. or at least almost back. i'm currently sitting in chicago o'hare international airport. it's been quite the day, and i have to be honest and tell you all that i'm exhausted. but the adrenaline that's rushing through my system right now is covering it up enough so, so that i can write this blog.
but it's good to be home.
this morning as i said goodbye to becky, i wanted to jump back in the car and forget i even planned on leaving. it was too hard to look her in the eyes, let alone say those awful words. i just hugged her and told her i loved her. and then i turned and walked away without looking back. because i knew if i did, i would break down. and i needed to be strong this morning. not just for me, but for her too. so i just walked through the doors and down the train tracks.
and i miss her. so, so much.
we decided however that it wasn't goodbye for us. because we know that our friendship is more than just a few months of good laughs. we're closely knitted now, friends for life. and i trust that i'll see her again. in fact, i'm going to make sure it happens. because i can't live without her, and i refuse to try. so there.
ok, i'm done. i'm really tired and am comtemplating finding a quiet place to sit down and relax for a bit. this stool i'm sitting on is causing poor posture and my back is aching.
home sweet home, here i come.
there really is no place like home. and i'm thrilled to be back. or at least almost back. i'm currently sitting in chicago o'hare international airport. it's been quite the day, and i have to be honest and tell you all that i'm exhausted. but the adrenaline that's rushing through my system right now is covering it up enough so, so that i can write this blog.
but it's good to be home.
this morning as i said goodbye to becky, i wanted to jump back in the car and forget i even planned on leaving. it was too hard to look her in the eyes, let alone say those awful words. i just hugged her and told her i loved her. and then i turned and walked away without looking back. because i knew if i did, i would break down. and i needed to be strong this morning. not just for me, but for her too. so i just walked through the doors and down the train tracks.
and i miss her. so, so much.
we decided however that it wasn't goodbye for us. because we know that our friendship is more than just a few months of good laughs. we're closely knitted now, friends for life. and i trust that i'll see her again. in fact, i'm going to make sure it happens. because i can't live without her, and i refuse to try. so there.
ok, i'm done. i'm really tired and am comtemplating finding a quiet place to sit down and relax for a bit. this stool i'm sitting on is causing poor posture and my back is aching.
home sweet home, here i come.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
the bigger picture
we all know that God has a bigger picture for our lives. that there are things we'll never understand, but they fit into the BP perfectly. things that seem unbelievable or unfair. but we know, we trust that God has a better plan for us, and our situations.
so why then, when the things i mentioned above happen, do we immediately ask "why?"? if as a Christian, we're aware of the truth that God is mysterious and works in ways we don't always comprehend, why do we question it? because we're human i suppose.
the reason i ask, is because i found myself questiong God this week in regards to a pretty amazing revelation in my life. why now? why not a month ago? why not before i made the decision to leave? and then i found myself being angry that i would question Him. i know there's a BP here, and i'm not seeing it for various reasons. but i have to trust that this is just another piece to the puzzle. this is another stroke of the brush that is the tapestry of my life. so then i started to wonder what it was He was trying to teach me through it. and that's where i'm at right now. what lesson is there to be found? what does He want me to learn through it?
those questions are not easily answered, but i'm anxious to see what the outcome is.
so why then, when the things i mentioned above happen, do we immediately ask "why?"? if as a Christian, we're aware of the truth that God is mysterious and works in ways we don't always comprehend, why do we question it? because we're human i suppose.
the reason i ask, is because i found myself questiong God this week in regards to a pretty amazing revelation in my life. why now? why not a month ago? why not before i made the decision to leave? and then i found myself being angry that i would question Him. i know there's a BP here, and i'm not seeing it for various reasons. but i have to trust that this is just another piece to the puzzle. this is another stroke of the brush that is the tapestry of my life. so then i started to wonder what it was He was trying to teach me through it. and that's where i'm at right now. what lesson is there to be found? what does He want me to learn through it?
those questions are not easily answered, but i'm anxious to see what the outcome is.
Friday, April 20, 2007
almost
it was almost enough to get me to stay.
this team, these amazing people i've had the unbelieveable opportunity to share my life with over the last four months. there are so many things i want to say to them, so many words that i can't get out. it makes me want to cry when i think about the possibility that i'll never seen any of them again.
if there's one thing i want people to know about my time here in england, is that God is working here. through this team, through the directors, through this camp. He's changing lives, and making a difference in this country. He's allowing this team to be a part of something big, something wonderful. and He allowed me to be a part of it as well. and for that i'll be forever thankful.
it's going to hurt walking away. i imagine i'll cry the entire train ride to manchester, and then more than likely the 10 hour flight home. i've been blessed to be here, and there are so many lessons learned here that i know i'll never forget this place. or these people. my goodness the people. i wish that everyone i love back home could meet all these people. because they changed my life. absolutely changed my life. God used them in a big way, and i don't know how to tell them that. how to share with them what they mean to me. how incredibly huge this whole thing has been for me. i want them to know, but i don't know how to tell them. i will be leaving a part of my heart here in england.
i wish that i knew what the future held, whether or not i would see these people again. but i know that it's not up to me to decide. so i'm just going to pray for them, and pray that someday our paths will cross again.
know that they mean the world to me. please.
this team, these amazing people i've had the unbelieveable opportunity to share my life with over the last four months. there are so many things i want to say to them, so many words that i can't get out. it makes me want to cry when i think about the possibility that i'll never seen any of them again.
if there's one thing i want people to know about my time here in england, is that God is working here. through this team, through the directors, through this camp. He's changing lives, and making a difference in this country. He's allowing this team to be a part of something big, something wonderful. and He allowed me to be a part of it as well. and for that i'll be forever thankful.
it's going to hurt walking away. i imagine i'll cry the entire train ride to manchester, and then more than likely the 10 hour flight home. i've been blessed to be here, and there are so many lessons learned here that i know i'll never forget this place. or these people. my goodness the people. i wish that everyone i love back home could meet all these people. because they changed my life. absolutely changed my life. God used them in a big way, and i don't know how to tell them that. how to share with them what they mean to me. how incredibly huge this whole thing has been for me. i want them to know, but i don't know how to tell them. i will be leaving a part of my heart here in england.
i wish that i knew what the future held, whether or not i would see these people again. but i know that it's not up to me to decide. so i'm just going to pray for them, and pray that someday our paths will cross again.
know that they mean the world to me. please.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
little more than i can give, little more than i deserve.....
i've been thinking a lot this week about what it's going to be like to be home again. it seems like just yesterday that i was saying to my parents, "i'm going to england." and now i'm heading home again. craziness. absolute craziness.
i'm excited, but i'm not all at the same time. i want to go home, because i know it's what God wants. but at the same time i'm really going to miss this place. i love england, and i love the people here. i just need to remember that the time i've had here is a gift, and be thankful for it. it's so hard though. hard because i could've really loved it here i think. if i had been in a different place in my life, a different state of mind, i could've really loved it here. and maybe someday i will. maybe someday i'll come back to the oakes. maybe.
i hope so.
but if not, i know i can look back on the 4 months that i've been here and be thankful for it. be thankful that i was able to meet the people i've met, do the work i've done, and learn what i've learned.
anyways, i just needed to get that off my chest. don't know why, but i felt like i had to. i'm off to a dinner get together with rachael and tom. good stuff.
love you all. have a good week.
i'm excited, but i'm not all at the same time. i want to go home, because i know it's what God wants. but at the same time i'm really going to miss this place. i love england, and i love the people here. i just need to remember that the time i've had here is a gift, and be thankful for it. it's so hard though. hard because i could've really loved it here i think. if i had been in a different place in my life, a different state of mind, i could've really loved it here. and maybe someday i will. maybe someday i'll come back to the oakes. maybe.
i hope so.
but if not, i know i can look back on the 4 months that i've been here and be thankful for it. be thankful that i was able to meet the people i've met, do the work i've done, and learn what i've learned.
anyways, i just needed to get that off my chest. don't know why, but i felt like i had to. i'm off to a dinner get together with rachael and tom. good stuff.
love you all. have a good week.
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